


Fucking Get Out Of My Head

by littledumbme



Category: VIXX
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6618106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledumbme/pseuds/littledumbme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wonshik breaks; Taekwoon makes it to him just in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking (Wonshik)

**Author's Note:**

> i have too many emotions right now, i need to let them out before i end up exploding. This will be EXTREMELY short chapters fyi.

The water falls, and he watches. He hasn't moved for 10 minutes, just watching the water droplets roll down his legs and dripping off the side of his feet. He's waiting. Waiting for his mind to stop yelling at him, for the mental storm to calm down.

 

_It never does._

 

"I know that!" He screams.

Wonshik throws his fist against the bathroom wall, and yells. He wants it all to stop; the pain, the sadness, the exhaustion, the numbness.

 

_You deserve it._

 

"No I don't!"

He turns the water off and stumbles out of the shower. Hastily he ties a towel around his waist; and pushes the wet strands of hair out of his eyes. He wants to avoid the mirror, but he can't. It's too large and in the way, too reflective of the lights, too bright in his haze of darkness.

 

_Ugly and sad, that's all you look like._

 

"Shut up!" He cries, slamming his hands on the bathroom counter and glaring into the mirror.

 

_You know it's the truth._

_Just give in._

_You can't handle it any longer._

_You know I'm right._

 

"Shut up shut up shut up!" He screams tugging at his hair.

 

_Just do it._

_It will help._

_You know you want to._

 

He can't take it anymore. He hates living each day in pain, hates feeling so numb. If someone had told him earlier in life he would end up depressed and tortured one day; he would have given up a long time ago and forgone the downwards spiral. But here he is today, ready to give up.

 

_Top drawer where it's always been._

 

He wipes the stray tears that rolled down his cheeks, and pulls the draw open. The metal reflects the lights, and he pulls it out.

 

_Just do it._

_Imagine how good it will feel again._

 

A sharp intake of breath. One, two, three; in the end four red lines mark the inside of Wonshik's wrist. Blood beads up and the skin around the wound swells.

"I promised him," he sobs, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Wonshik."

The sound of the metal blade clanking against the sink doesn't make him jump nearly as much as the soft voice did. He spins on his heel, and looks to Taekwoon.

"It's okay Wonshik," He repeats, "this is just a set back. We'll make it through this."


	2. Repairing (Taekwoon)

His heart leaps into his chest. The man he loves, shaking in front of him, wrist beading up with blood, cheeks stained with tears.

"I'm sorry."

No. He doesn't need to be sorry. Taekwoon pulls Wonshik into a hug, and prays he'll never hear an apology ever fall from those beautiful lips again.

"Never apologize for something like this." He whispers.

Wonshik cries, and Taekwoon lets him. His tears flow as Taekwoon cleans and bandages his wrist, sniffles as he wraps him in the warmest sweats he owns, gasps through shaky breathes as they cuddle together in the darkness of the bedroom, cries until no more tears come.

"I'm sorry." He hiccups, before falling asleep.

Taekwoon never wants to hear him apologize ever again; it's all that's seems to come out of the youngers' mouth now days. He wants Wonshik to smile again, he wants him to be okay.

 


	3. Recovering (Wonshik)

"I wish I was stronger."

 

_You're weak and always will be._

 

Wonshik clenches his fists; he knows the voices aren't real, but they're always so close it's hard not to believe them. He stares at his knuckles as they turn white, trying to gain some control over himself. Warm hands cover his fists, and all the tension in his body relaxes.

"What's wrong?"

Wonshik looks up at Taekwoon, the words 'nothing, i'm fine' on the tip of his tongue. He looks into those deep eyes, and feels himself melt.

"Everything."

Taekwoon cocks his head, and if Wonshik wasn't having an internal battle with himself, he would smile at the action. Taekwoon sits down in the seat across from him at the table; hands still on his.

"Tell me about it, maybe I can help."

With a laugh Wonshik tugs his hands back and places them in his lap.

"The voices, you think you can help them? I'm fucked up, and they just confirm it. It's hard going through life having your thoughts pulled apart until you hate everything you think, hate yourself for what your subconscious does. I'm crazy, nobody can fix me; which is why I'm better off dead."

 

_He wants you dead._

_Won't have to deal with you anymore._

_You're a burden._

 

"Stop it!" Wonshik yells, roughly running his hands through his hair. He tugs and pulls at the strands willing the voices to stop.

It isn't until he hears the soft voice of Taekwoon yelling at him that he stops. His cheeks are wet with tears as he looks to Taekwoon, and instantly apologizes. Anger flashes through his eyes, and Wonshik flinches. He parts his lips, ready to apologize again; until warmth cuts him off. Lips as soft as butter mold against his own in a quick kiss. Taekwoon pulls away before he can react, and he's left speechless.

"You are no way in hell better off dead. I love you and I'll be damned if I let you leave me. I promise you, we're going to get help. I know someone can help you, I'll make sure of that. Just please hold on."

 

_He's lying._

 

Wonshik clenches his fists again, he doesn't want to believe them.

"What?" Taekwoon questions.

"They said you're lying."

A small smile forms on Taekwoon's lips, and he pulls Wonshik into a hug.

"I'm not. I promise you I'm not. I love you, and we're going to make it through this."

And for the first time in a while, the voices don't have a comment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ending is shit and not possible but i wanted a happy ending idek sorry


End file.
